


little black submarines

by aeoleus



Category: Iron Man (Movies), The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Avengers: Endgame (Movie) Spoilers, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/M, Pepperony - Freeform, Whump, i am a tony stark stan first and a human second, seriously don't read it if u havent seen it, some self-indulgent whump and character exploratio
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-04-30
Updated: 2019-04-30
Packaged: 2020-02-10 04:16:19
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,567
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18652726
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/aeoleus/pseuds/aeoleus
Summary: [ENDGAME SPOILERS]“But something’s telling me to shut this one up in a lockbox, throw it down into the bottom of the lake, and just go to bed.” Tony said.Pepper took a deep breath. Raked her eyes over Tony, imagined the scars all over his torso, deep and unforgiving. So much of himself had been given away, had been ripped out of him.“But would you be able to rest?” She asked steadily.





	little black submarines

**Author's Note:**

> endgame wholly wrecked me. This is best read listening to Little Black Submarines by The Black Keys (or any other emotionally tragic song. Anything that makes u cry will work.)

_operator, please_

_put me back on the line_

_told my girl_

_I’d be back_

_operator please_

_this is wreckin’ my mind_

* * *

 

Tony was never whole.

Pepper knew that.

His father, his genius, even his goddamn looks had the world convinced that they were entitled to a piece of Tony Stark. Sometimes, physically.

And so, Pepper had gotten particularly adept at being able to eye issues on Tony before he told her. He had been taught to hide the wounds that that came from having pieces of himself systematically removed, bit by bit.

But he couldn't possibly have hidden anything now. Limping off of a spaceship, he barely seemed able to take another step. He was gaunt, looked far worse than when the palladium poisoning had him throwing up far more than what he managed to keep down. He leaned heavily into Steve and Pepper heard him mumble something about “the kid”, his voice broken.

Pepper pushed forward past Rhodey, her heart beating in her ears.

“Tony-“ She gasped. Tony seemed to visibly relax as she threw her arms around his neck (slowly, carefully) and he buried his face in her hair.

“Pepper.” He whispered. And god, Pepper never thought she’d hear his voice again.

Pepper got one, blissful second of having Tony’s face in her hands, brushing her thumbs over the sharp angles of his cheekbones, and closed eyes, wanting to run her hands over every inch of him just to be sure he was here, here, here, and not about to disappear into oblivion. And then Rhodey was grim-faced and on the other side of Tony to move him to the infirmary.

* * *

 

Tony burst into tears the minute he and Pepper were alone, two IVs in his arms and his stab wound freshly cleaned and covered.

Bruce had given him pain medication against his will, saying he had suffered enough.

Pepper couldn’t do anything but wipe away the tears from his cheeks, the snot from his nose, and watch as he sobbed so hard he could barely breathe.

“I’m here, Tony,” Pepper whispered, running her fingers through his hair. She tried not to think about how her fingers came away with so much dried blood and soot. “I’m not leaving you.”

He fell asleep within fifteen minutes, clinging to Pepper. And suddenly, he looked so much older than Pepper had ever realized. She carefully disengaged her hand from his, just to go over to the couch and sit down, just to rest her eyes for one moment....

Tony screamed, and Pepper wrenched her eyes open, her stomach having migrated into her throat. She scrambled to her feet to find Tony sitting ramrod straight up in bed, one hand around his throat and the other clamped around his mouth.

“Tony, Tony-“ Pepper was there in a second, hands on his, pulling him down, pulling him into her.

“You were gone. I thought you were _gone_.” He gasped into her shoulder, and the harshness of how he choked out _gone_ let Pepper know just what kind of gone he meant.

“Don’t leave me, Pep.” He cried.

“I’m here, I’m here, I’m here.” She whispered it as a mantra, as a reassurance. She was there. Tony was there. And for that moment, that was enough.

He got better, and then he wasn’t just Pepper’s, anymore. Tony had never just belonged to her. As soon as he had enough strength to sit up, he was wheeled into a meeting with Steve and Nat.

And then, when Rhodey and Steve carried him back into the infirmary, eyes rolled back into his head, Pepper didn’t have the words to express how she was feeling, except that she wasn't surprised. Too practiced by now, she helped Bruce set up an IV, take off his glasses and check his incision site to make sure his stitches held.

“Pepper-“ Steve said helplessly, hands tight around the edges of Tony’s bed.

“Let’s not, Steve.” Pepper said, refusing to even make eye contact as she pulled a blanket over Tony’s unconscious body.

“No, I’m sorry, I never meant to-“ he broke off before Pepper could interrupt him again, and Pepper looked up to see that his eyes were red. He met her eyes for just long enough that Pepper could see that he was crying before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

Pepper couldn't help feeling, despite Steve's obvious distress, that the only reason Tony was being allowed to rest was that he was of no use unconscious.

* * *

 

For a while after, a long while, Tony did belong to her. They moved off the compound after a few weeks, moved upstate to a small lake house that had been passed down from his mother. He recovered, and even seemed to gain a little of his spark back, humming to himself as he washed dishes or fixed up the washing machine.

And then Pepper was pregnant, and Tony stared at her with an expression that was equally overjoyed and utterly terrified. And they had a little girl, a little girl named Morgan, with her father’s dark eyes and her mother’s attitude. She clung to Tony almost as much as Tony clung to her.

Years passed, blissfully quiet. Tony would occasionally drive into town to get groceries or some new toy for Morgan, and they found some peace in a half-destroyed universe, where Tony belonged only to his wife and child, and not to any undeserving, selfish world.

 

And then, with just a few words, Pepper knew what she always did.

“Not that this is a competition,” Tony informed her matter-of-factly one night, as he shut Morgan’s bedroom door. “But she loves me three-thousand. I think you’re somewhere in the mid six to nine-hundreds.”

“Oh, does she now?” Pepper looked up from her book to see Tony pacing nervously in front of her, clearly preoccupied in a way Pepper hasn’t seen for a few years.

“Whatcha reading about?” He asked, twisting his wedding band around his finger.

“Uh, composting.” Pepper had been wanting to expand their garden, maybe give Morgan a little plot to plant flowers in.

“What’s new in composting these days?”

“Well-“

“I figured it out, you know.” He stared at her with those dark eyes, biting his lip. Pepper said nothing. She placed her book down and looked expectantly at her husband.

“Time travel.” He elaborated. “I know how to do it.”

Pepper could barely allow herself to be surprised. There was a small sinking feeling in her stomach in which she knew that Tony was slipping further from her grasp.

“Oh. Wow.” She managed, swallowing the lump in her throat. “You know, we got really lucky. Most people didn’t.” A last-ditch attempt, totally worthless.

“I know, I know. But something’s telling me to shut this one up in a lockbox, throw it down into the bottom of the lake, and just go to bed.” Tony said.

Pepper took a deep breath. Raked her eyes over Tony. Imagined the scars all over his torso, deep and unforgiving. So much of himself had been given away, had been ripped out of him.

But Pepper had accepted long ago that Tony was an Atlas, and that part of him was always going to be holding up the world.

“But would you be able to rest?” She asked steadily.

Tony looked at her.

“No.” He said truthfully.

Pepper got off the couch and took his head with both hands. She kissed his forehead, lingering for a moment, as he wrapped his hands around her wrists.

“I love you.” She said simply. Tony didn’t let go of her hand.

“I love you.” He said. “I love you three-thousand.”

* * *

 

Three days later he was gone, headed for the compound. He had hugged Morgan tightly and told her to be good, showing his love in the quick, little way he did. He kissed Pepper deeply, and he didn’t make any promises he couldn’t keep. There would always be more surprises.

So soon after, when Pepper made the decision to suit up in Rescue and help out, she went in half- knowing. Morgan was with Happy, no idea of where her parents were heading.

* * *

 

At the end, Peter was distraught. Pepper could barely see the damage Tony had taken from the crowd around him, but from how utterly still everyone was, Pepper knew. She pushed forward just as Rhodey was pulling Peter back. Tony's entire side was blackened and charred, eyes barely open.

“Tony,” she breathed. (How many times had she dreamt this moment, constantly waking up with a scream caught in her throat?)

“Tony, look at me.”

It seemed to take all of his energy to do so, but as always, his eyes softened when they met hers.

“It’s okay, Tony.” Pepper placed a hand over his reactor (proof that Tony Stark has a heart. That was lifetimes ago. The world was so small then.) and Tony, by some miracle, managed to place his on top.

“We’re gonna be okay. You can rest now.”

Tony exhaled, his eyes utterly focused on Pepper, and Pepper watched her husband fade away.

The reactor blinked out, his hand fell away from hers.

Pepper felt a hand on her shoulder, and all she knew that if anyone said anything to her, she would explode. She leaned forward, and gently closed Tony’s eyes, and planted a soft kiss on his forehead.

“You can rest now.”


End file.
